Heather Rainbow

Adoption Carnival: Poetry

03 Jun 2010 2 Comments

by heatherrainbow in adoption artists, adoption loss, feminism, my story, poetry

This is a poem that I wrote after I came out of the fog. I had been promised an open adoption. I wanted to believe that I was wrong, that I was mistaken when I thought the people raising my daughter cut me out of her life without warning, but time and again proved this poem was right. They never even told her she was adopted after they had promised me an open adoption. I was cut out, and since she found out she was adopted, they are feeding her lies about me. The woman who holds my daughter captive sent me a facebook message stating that my daughter hates me, among other things.

So, here it is. Always trust your intuition.

My Daughter, Your Slave

Bought and sold
though not to work on your farm,
but to fulfill a need
of normalcy.
Ripped from one family,
substituted for another.

There’s always been a divide
Between you and I,
Whether mountains or streams,
Or hopes or dreams.

You have your own goals,
But you can’t see past your pain,
So you abuse your powers,
Until you’re insane.

And you’ve kidnapped my daughter,
Who knows not her name.
And she carries your history,
Though knows not where she came.

My dreams are her dreams,
You’ll see them one day,
When she searches her heart,
And finds her own way.

Another big difference
That sets us apart,
Is that I’ve always wanted,
What’s best for my daughter,
And you just wanted,
A child to call your own.

You own, you control,
My daughter’s sense of self,
Her fears, her absent tears
for me,
For you she’s a doll, a blank slate,
But your pain you can’t ignore.
So you repress,
You digress,
And instill your hate of me,
Because you can’t ignore the fact,
That she looks nothing like you,
She looks just like me.

She acts just like those in my family,
And you can’t beat it out of her,
So you play emotional games,
With her absent tears,
And bond her to you,
With your endless fears.

The child you will never bare,
You had to settle for her,
You use the language games,
And pretend this is what you wanted.
But she is my daughter,
You stole my daughter,
So you could feel like a mother.

So you ended my Motherhood,
For I’ll never have another,
The trauma is life long,
I’m afraid you’ll steal all others.

And society plays the word games,
Calling me unfit,
Saying I’m a drunken whore,
An addict, a welfare case,
And so much more from your stance,
but the truth is,
I never had a chance.

Just because I’m not game,
At your institutional fame,
Because I won’t marry,
And be forever owned,
Because I try to claim my history,
The one where you have been,
Oppressing me and my family for generations.
And they have become
Alcoholics, poor, abused and abusive.

Because you keep our minds in scrambles,
And keep us forever divided,
And as soon as I tried to claim my power,
That’s when you stole my daughter.

You can pretend your ignorance,
And say you didn’t know.
That separating my daughter from me,
Wouldn’t cause her so much pain.

But the fact that you did this all for you,
Another word game for the child,
Is saving them from the fate you dictate,
And proves how selfishly you acted.

Just because you can’t have your own child,
Doesn’t mean you’re entitled to mine,
It only causes more abuse,
And will come back to you in time.

Own your infertility,
Owning a child won’t make you fertile,
And it won’t take away your pain,
So own it and meet the challenge
Your God gave to you,
To deal with how your God made you,
And find a way to be empowered,
Where you aren’t oppressing others.

And what can you do to make things right?
You can’t make up for all the lost time.
Admit that you stole and bought her,
And give me back my daughter.