I have realized something. The more the abusive culture of our society forces us, or convinces us to use their language, the more of a prisoner we are to this abuser.
When thinking about Positive adoption language, there is the key, adoption is a part of that language. According to law, adoption can not be obtained by using fraud, coercion, or while the parents signing are under duress. Anything other, is not adoption, it is kidnapping (ie human trafficking). It doesn’t matter how many people are involved, lawyers, social workers, judges, it does not take away the fact, this is not adoption, this is kidnapping.
Obtaining a signature from a mother in a hospital, while medicated, is duress. Forcing signatures while a mother is pregnant, or just gave birth without having time to recover, is a duress time for her. Any woman who signs without knowing or understanding the consequences of her situation, without knowing the long term effects on herself or her child, or knowing her rights to keep this child and the supports available to her, is coersion.
When we buy into their system, we tell everyone our child has been illegally adopted, we look for adoption lawyers, family lawyers, custody lawyers. Perhaps this is our problem. Perhaps what we should be doing, is discarding their language, and saying what really happened, our child was stolen from us. What if we called 911 saying our child was stolen from us? What if we used the Missing Childrens hotline and the Amber alert? What if we filed charges against the people stealing our children? The lawyers, the social workers, the strangers.
Then we could start realizing, that adoption and kidnapping are two different things. Adoption is when a child truly has no home, and needs people to raise them. Adoption doesn’t have to mean hiding the family names, backgrounds, and information of the family. And, in many other countries, they do not do this. Secrecy in and of itself suggests illness, hiding, lies, corruption.
So, let us call it as it is, and not use the abusers language. Let’s see what happens when we stop using their language and empower ourselves with our own feelings and interpretations of our situations. Our children were kidnapped, and are being raised by strangers.
May 11, 2009 at 4:42 pm
This is excellent, Heather!! Here, in this sentence, “…Perhaps what we should be doing, is discarding their language, and saying what we really feel, our child was stolen from us…”, I’d say we should be saying what REALLY HAPPENED, not “what we… __feel__.” We don’t feel our children were kidnapped. That’s what HAPPENED…
I’d love to see this essay expanded. Great read either way!!
May 14, 2009 at 7:47 pm
thanks for that! You’re right, its not our feelings, which can be so quickly discounted, its what happened, thanks for pointing that out! (And I corrected it!)
May 11, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Yes! Yes! Well said, Heather ….. CB
May 14, 2009 at 7:47 pm
May 12, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Hey Heather,
Well said! I completely agree and have said this myself before. We are bullied, manipulated, downtrodden and ridiculed if we speak the truth. No one wants to hear of kidnappings for adoption sake… that would being the whole ethics and institution of adoption into question and well, ‘we’ couldn’t have that now could ‘we’? (‘We’ meaning the rest of society who blindly and deliberately advocate adoption as being ‘loving’).
Great post!
Myst xxx
PS… I had my daughter in 1998 too… she is also 11.
May 14, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I’d love to hear more about your story… As to what is going on now. I have so many developments I often times feel I can’t share openly on web forums.
May 13, 2009 at 8:44 pm
i’ve always equated fraudulent and coerced adoption to kidnapping. it is the exact emotional complicated trauma that it entails right down to the stockholm syndrome of our adopted out kids. my emma turns 10 soon. i feel your pain too. youre not alone. one day we will be free. i have no choice but to hold on to hope. never give up.
May 14, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Yes, Exactly. Stockholm Syndrome. As mothers, I believe it is our duty to continue to fight for our children, even if they are not in our homes. Which means making the world a better place, and part of that is exposing the lies of our culture. We live in a Stockholm Syndrome Culture.